


i always miss you

by anxious_idiot



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Best Friends, First story, Fluff, Love at First Sight, M/M, Possible Smut?, caring david, i am not censoring myself, matteo and david are cute, sad matteo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-02 16:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19445344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxious_idiot/pseuds/anxious_idiot
Summary: Matteo and David have been friends since they were paired together for a school project in middle school. Matteo has always thought of David as more than a friend. Now, they're in high school and David still doesn't know about Matteo's crush...until one day when it just slips out.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first story...i'm sorry if it ends up being shit or if i give up on writing it because i'm a lazy ass hoe. also i'm sorry for any grammatical errors or stuff like that...i'm currently writing this at almost 4 am. just another little thing, i don't know shit about the german schooling system so this is purely based off my educational experience.

The loud blaring music pushed Matteo into his room. He shut the door behind him and threw himself on his bed. He laid there for a second before sitting up and grabbing headphones, plugging them into his phone. He rested his back against his mattress again as he put his headphones over his ears and shuffled his playlist. 

Parties were always overwhelming for Matteo. He never liked them. They were only ever bearable when David was there, but he had promised to have dinner with Laura so he couldn't make it. He felt like he was suffocating with the hot air, bright lights, loud music, and the unquestionable scent of alcohol all over. He sat up and rolled a joint, lighting it and sitting against the wall his mattress was pushed up to.

Matteo met David in middle school when they were paired together for a dumb project that they got an actually decent grade on. Of course Matteo had seen David before this, but he just didn't know his name quite yet. He was mysterious and always hid away from everyone, except for Leonie and Sara who he was good friends with. He always wore dark, slightly baggy clothes and a beanie to trap his messy dark hair that just barely covered his deep brown eyes. He was beautiful and Matteo couldn't keep his eyes off of him. He wasn't out at the time, to anyone, not even Jonas who he'd known since they were literally babies. No one knew Matteo was gay. He barely even knew himself. 

David told Matteo he was pan when they just started high school and shortly after, came out to him as trans. It took Matteo a while to confirm that he was gay. He came out to Jonas not long after he met David and he came out to David just last year, their junior year of high school. 

A thud came from outside of Matteo's room. "Go fuck at your own house, Jesus Christ, fucking idiots!" Matteo heard David shout from just the other side of his door. Holy shit...David's here. Why? He took of his headphones and straightened his body as David entered his room. 

"Na?" Matteo spat out after a few seconds of silent staring.

"Na." David's voice was soft and filled with love and warmth. He sat next to Matteo and leaned against the wall.

"I thought you were having dinner with Laura and couldn't come?" Matteo mumbled slightly as he passed the joint to David.

"We finished early because Laura forgot she had shit to do for work, so she said I could leave if I wanted. I decided to come here since I know you don't handle parties well."

"Well, how thoughtful of you, Schreibner." Matteo said as he looked over at David, not realizing how close they actually were. He faced forward again before the blush spreading across his face was noticeable. He could see David grin slightly and look down at his hands. He was fidgeting? Suddenly, Jonas bursts into the room with beer. 

"You guys need to reach the level of relaxation and fucking awesome amazingness I am at." He slurred while stumbling to the bed and dropping beers on the boys. Matteo and David shared a skeptical glance before watching Jonas stumble back out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Thanks for not locking the door, idiot." Matteo jokingly spoke while reaching for two beers, handing one to David. David didn't respond. He just tilted his head with a bashful grin.

After they finished the beers and the joint, they laid on their sides facing each other. 

"We haven't done this in a while." David spoke up shyly.

"Done what?"

"Hidden from a party and just laid down. It's nice. I missed it." David's tone grew softer with every word spoken.

"I missed you." Matteo realized he accidentally said that out loud, trying to cover it up by saying, "While you were with Laura. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Matteo."

"I always miss you, David." Matteo breathed out soft enough for David not to hear.

After staring at each other for what seemed like ages, David drifted off and Matteo followed shortly after. Nothing but David on his mind.


	2. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! the first chapter got much better feedback than i anticipated. thank you so much to everyone that has read this, commented, and/or left kudos. i didn't even think anyone was really gonna read this or want me to continue, but i was proven wrong and again, thank you so much. i hope you enjoy this chapter and the chapters that may come.

"I don't understand my feelings for you, but I know I feel something. I want to be with you all the time. I can't imagine losing you or living without you. You're always there for me and I'm always there for you. It feels like we're meant to be. Like soulmates. No, that's too much, but I feel like we were meant to be friends and I'm meant to feel this way. I just hope you feel this way. If not then I feel like a total dumbass for not seeing that you see me as just a friend. I really fucking hope you feel the same. I really want to kiss you and hold you. I..." Matteo paused as he stopped the movement of his pencil on the paper. "...I love you." He dropped the pencil and stared at the words he just wrote. He sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair. "Holy shit." He breathed out roughly as he clenched his eyelids closed and furrowed his eyebrows.

He just wants David to know how he feels without ruining everything that they made. So, he just writes out letters to David, but usually ends up tearing it to shreds and throwing it away, but this letter he kept. He can't tell David anything if he isn't sure what "anything" is. All he knows is that David makes him smile whenever he glances across his mind and that David makes his heart thud faster and faster the closer they are and that Matteo can't help but blush at his gummy grin or his deep eyes decorated with long eyelashes or any other gorgeous feature of his. When David laughs, Matteo's body softens, like he's home and he's safe.

Matteo just stares at his ceiling. Complete silence surrounds him. Well, not complete silence. There's the sound of the cars and people rushing by down below him. The sound soothes him until there's a knock at the door. The sound had him still for a second. He doesn't remember buzzing anyone in or anything. He slowly gets up and walks to the front door. There's another knock before Matteo opens the door.

Oh. It's just Jonas. Thankfully.

"Who buzzed you in?"

"Wow, not even a 'Hey, brudi. Nice seeing you!'" Jonas exclaims, mimicking Matteo. He opens the door more, pushing past Matteo. Matteo just shrugs. "I didn't know if you'd be sleeping or not so I didn't wanna rudely awaken you. I had your neighbor buzz me in. He's actually really nice by the way. Cute too." Jonas says with a wink.

Matteo rolls his eyes, walking towards the living room. Jonas follows him after taking his shoes and jacket off. 

"So...what are you doing here?" Matteo asks as he falls down into the corner of the couch, leaning against the arm. 

Jonas falls onto the couch, opposite Matteo. "Just wanted to check in." There's a pause that Matteo doesn't interrupt, knowing Jonas wants to say something else. "So..uhm...how are things with....uhm...David?" He just barely makes it through the sentence without smirking. 

Matteo sits up straight. "What...uh..what do you mean?"

"Well, he showed up last night and just kinda ran straight to your room, pushing people out of the way and everything."

"How do you remember that? From what I remember, you were wasted."

"Hanna, Kiki, some other people....pretty much everyone who wasn't as wasted as myself."

"Do you remember anything from last night?" Matteo huffs out with a laugh.

"Nope. Anyways, back onto the main subject here. What's up with you and David?"

"I still don't know what you mean."

"You guys are close. I mean even closer than us and I've seen how you look at him sometimes. I think you love him." Jonas teases while poking at Matteo's side.

"Jonas....I don't...love him. I just- I don't know." Matteo's face tenses but deepens with a mix of confusion and fear at the same time. Jonas stops teasing and relaxes back into his dent in the couch.

"What do you mean?" Jonas says gently, trying not to pry too much.

"I feel different around him. I always have. I just don't know why. I don't want to figure it out either. I don't want to risk losing him." Matteo looks towards the ceiling before the tears start to fall.

"Look at me." Matteo doesn't move. "Matteo. Look at me." Jonas says sternly. Matteo moves his head to look at Jonas. A tear falls down his cheek.

"Matteo. Even if something happens. You still have me. You still have Carlos and Abdi and Hanna and the whole girl squad. If you need us, we're here. We always will be." Jonas reaches over and puts a hand on Matteo's knee that's hung off the edge of the couch. 

Matteo leans into Jonas. "Thank you." 

\----------------------

After Jonas left, Matteo retreated back to his room. 

He sank back into his chair, pulling his headphones over his ears and plugging the cord into his phone. He clicked shuffle on his favorite playlist and laid back, closing his eyes, listening to the music. 

Take me to church started playing. David showed him this song. Specifically the acoustic version. Matteo's favorite. Matteo reached for his phone and put the song on loop. He laid back and stared back at the ceiling, closing his eyes. He slowly drifted off. Again, nothing but David on his mind.

\----------------------

The next morning, Matteo woke up to see David at his bedroom door. Matteo was still in his chair with his headphones covering his ears. David's song had stopped playing because Matteo's phone died at some point in the night. 

"Morning." David says while walking into Matteo's room and sitting on the bed across from him.

"Oh, hey. What're you doing here?"

"Jonas said you weren't feeling well so I wanted to come over and just....see you I guess? I didn't really plan ahead. I was just hoping maybe just my presence would cheer you up." David added cockiness to the last few words. 

Matteo loved when he did that. 

Matteo loved that. 

Matteo loved him. 

Matteo loves him. No, he can't think about that right now. 

He shakes the thought. "Well, how very kind of him." Matteo puts his headphones on the desk beside him. He leans forward for a second before completely standing up. He stretches and reaches his hand out to David to help him up.

"Why thank you, sir." David grabs Matteo's hand and lifts himself up to his feet. They leave Matteo's "cave" and walk into the kitchen to be greeted by Mia and Hanna studying at the table.

"Na?" Hanna initiates the converation.

"Na." Matteo replies as he starts a pot of water on the stove. David sits by the girls and talks with them about God knows what. Matteo tunes out the conversation as he continues to make pasta.

After the pasta is done, Matteo plates some for each of them. They all sit at the table, silent. Everyone just eats. 

When they finish, Mia and Hanna go back to studying and Matteo and David go back to Matteo's room. "Can we go for a walk or just leave and enjoy the nice weather? I mean its almost 16:30. You should probably go outside at least once today before it gets dark." David almost begs as he falls onto Matteo's bed. 

"Fine." Matteo gives in after only a few seconds of pleading. He wants to give David anything he wants. He wants to see him happy. Matteo walks over to his wardrobe and pulls out jeans and a....clean?...shirt. When he's finished changing, they leave. Once they step out of the doors to Matteo's building, the warm air hits Matteo and his muscles soften. The weather really is nice. David was right. David's always right. 

They start walking, passing all kinds of people. Each of these people had their own lives, their own problems. Not one of these strangers cared about what Matteo looked like or how he walked or how he talked. No one really even noticed him. These people are just focused on what they need to do, whether its rushing to work before their boss yells at them again or rushing to the store to get bread while its still fresh. No one is focused on Matteo's state right now. Just like how Matteo isn't really focused on any of these people specifically. They are all their own person, caring just for themselves at this moment, not paying any attention to the person passing by them. 

"What are you thinking?" Matteo was pulled from his thoughts by David's smooth voice. 

"Nothing really, just how everyone is in their own little world. Focused on their own problems and lives." 

"Yeah." 

They continue their walk in silence, every once in a while one of them will comment on something they saw as they passed through different areas in town. Eventually, they circle back to Matteo's flatshare. 

They reach the doors and David stops. 

"Are you coming up?" Matteo scrunches his eyebrows in confusion.

"No, I have to get back to Laura. I told her I'd be back soon and she needed help cleaning or something." David says with hesitation. He isn't a good liar and it shows. Matteo didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable right now so he just blew it off. 

"Ok, well, I'll see you later then." Matteo pushes open the doors with his back, still looking at David. 

Yeah, see you." David replies softly. 

"Bye."

"Bye."

Matteo silently watches as David leaves. He walks back up to his flatshare. 

He sets himself in his chair with a paper and pencil, again. 

He pulled out his letter from yesterday and laid it on the desk in front of him. He reads it over and over. 

He picks up the pencil and hovers over the next line on the paper. 

"It's been less than 10 minutes and I already miss you." He huffs before continuing. 

"I always miss you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made this chapter as long as i could. i have mixed feelings about it so please let me know if you like it by leaving a comment and again, thank you so much to everyone reading.


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